Will Wood
Creative Czar
What needs to be known about Will can be summed up in this: 80% of what is said is fiction, 20% of what’s said is fact. Maintaining this balance, he is able to avoid building up a dangerously strong charge of static electricity. The formula is the source of Will’s decision-making process and motor skills. Eating spaghetti must be attempted carefully and under professional psychiatric supervision.
Here are some additional things that might be helpful to know:
Will is not the mastermind behind the Dead Pocket Station. If questioned about its existence, he will deny that he’s ever heard of, “…What did you say? The Dead Pocket Statehood? Nope. I don’t know a thing about that.”
Will makes strange animal sounds when he sleeps. When the weather is exceptionally cold, he sounds like a badger. In tropic weather he hoots like an owl.
Will thought he could move things with his mind when he was eight years old. Turns out he was moving his head instead.
Will is an exceptionally talented dancer and choreographer. He created the unique genres of popular dance known as “Spazmathical Beat-Fusion” and “Flailus Aboutus.” He patented a dance shoe that allows the dancer to appear completely still.
Will’s favorite color is not orange. Will’s favorite fruit is not orange. Will’s favorite soda is not orange.
Will resides somewhere between alternate dimensions. These alternate dimensions have no names, making it difficult for him to find his way home in the evening. But he is able to triangulate his dimensional positioning by closing his eyes and not moving.
Will has vowed never to appear on a reality TV show.
Will lives his life based on this personal motto: “I didn’t say that, did I?”