New Design at the Dead Pocket Shop: Save the Gorpus
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kurt
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Alex
Draw Yourself Day!
Yesterday was Draw Yourself Day at the Dead Pocket Station! And what a day it was. Facebook fans submitted pictures they’d drawn (using the word loosely) of themselves. Great fun all around, thanks everyone!
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kurt
A New Clue To Alwart’s Past
New evidence has surfaced in the mystery shrouding the real identity of Alwart Grumus. It seems the man known now as Alwart Grumus (AKA Petey the Whistler AKA The Neck) once worked as a model. This advertisement for the popular Italian night club, Non Mangi Questo, is strong evidence to support the idea that Alwart spent some time in Europe.
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kurt
New Design at the Dead Pocket Shop (The Weird Penguin)
It’s been a while since we updated the items for sale at the Dead Pocket Shop. For a limited time you can get the new design featuring The Weird Penguin. He’s a connoisseur of fine purple Jell-o. This image was inspired by the one and only Jarred D.
Just click the link above to own your own piece of Dead Pocket history.
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Will
Alwart Found!
Tuesday of this week, the Federal Bureau of Investigative Procedures and Inquisitive Actions apprehended Alwart Grumus – AKA Petey the Whistler AKA The Neck – at a carnival in North Carolina.
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Alex
Something Unfortunate, But Undefined
Something unfortunate happened during our Dia de los Muertos Bolsillos celebrations. El Dead Pocket Station is feeling a bit under the weather. Posts will resume by 11/13/09.
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Will
Something in the works!
A new Dead Pocket project! Will has undertaken the creation of a one-of-a-kind action figure based on our very own luchador, Brazo Del Absurdo. Here’s the starting sketch for the figure:
It’s based on the Mighty Muggs figure by Hasbro. Will has committed to documenting the progress of the figure on the site, so stay tuned for updates!
And, when the figure’s done, we’ll see if we can make it available to purchase on eBay! Get your bidding fingers ready.
Special thanks to Lucero!
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Alex
Historical Accuracy
At a very young age, I thought I could move objects with my mind. As it turns out, moving things with your mind can be difficult. But shaking your head can make it look like you’re moving things with your mind.
This brings me to the first (and possibly the last) Dead Pocket Round Folding Card Table Discussion Topic: Historical Accuracy.
I suggest that historical accuracy could quite possibly be the least trustworthy thing on the planet. It might be more trustworthy to believe that I am, at this moment, eating an ear of corn and standing on one leg while singing the part of Don José from Carmen, than to put your trust in the reported story that Grover Cleveland, in 1871, while sheriff of Erie County, built a time machine using a blueprint he was given by a visitor from another planet.
In 1927, German physicist Walter Kaufmann constructed a formula on the back of a napkin that proved that our historical accounts could be in a constant state of quasi-temporal sub-cutaneous metamorphosis, shifting sub-atomically between alternate dimensions. Probably not, but it could be. Attempts to recover the napkin have been unsuccessful. The napkin was either thrown away or used to clean mustard from a considerably large mustache.
History has since been rewritten to remove any reference of this theory.
For your consideration, history might not be all it’s cracked up to be. I wouldn’t argue this with that historian you shared that bus ride to the airport with. The upset could result in great psychological trauma.
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Alex
Brazo Del Absurdo
The Dead Pocket Station is proud to introduce Brazo Del Absurdo, the first Dead Pocket sponsored luchador superstar. He will soon be a household name as he begins his quest to conquer the continent by putting everyone in a headlock.
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Will
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Will
Dead Pocket Station (The Theme Song)
Well, it’s finally here: An original musical version of our theme song!
If you like it, leave a comment and let us know. If you think it’s rubbish, send Will and email.
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Will
New Design at the Dead Pocket Shop
We have newly designed merchandise for sale at the Dead Pocket Shop! Check it out:
But, be warned: Anything you see there could be a colossal waste of time.
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Will
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Will
I Always Hated My Fifth Grade Algebra Teacher
I always hated my fifth grade algebra teacher.
It could’ve been a reflection of my disdain for mathematics in general, but I’m sure it had more to do with the man himself. He possessed the uncanny ability to sense social insecurity. He sniffed it out like a prize hound. And when he found it, he became a medieval torture device to the frail adolescent self-image.
He sported an obscenely dirty, awkward mustache, flecked with gray. Spit collected in disgusting strands on the ends of the whiskers. When he spoke, his face looked like a spider spinning its web. To make matters worse, he didn’t have enough hair to cover his pale, sticky-looking head. He attempted to cover the bare patch by combing the left-over-bits on the right side of his head across the top, toward the left-over-bits on the left side. This ended up looking, instead, like a hair replacement surgery gone horribly wrong, performed by an inebriated surgeon, who happened to be a chimpanzee.
His mother visited his office at the school once, to bring sugar cookies. She seemed like someone who had just stepped out of a Norman Rockwell painting. No one saw the cookies, but several students overheard the mother affectionately call our teacher, “Chitlins.”
I always hated my fifth grade algebra teacher. And chitlins.
– Excerpt from “Earl’s Potato Salad” by Will Wood.
Narrated by Alex (Apple Text-to-Speech).
Sound effects and Music by Apple GarageBand.
